Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
