I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
