Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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