She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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