i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
