the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
