Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
