R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
