who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
