Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
