This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry my hands just texted you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
