Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
