Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
