dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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