Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
