im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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