And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
