So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
