YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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