I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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