I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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