we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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