Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
