this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
