I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
