i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
