Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
