One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to have your abortion
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize