if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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