Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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