Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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