he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You took a bar mat shot.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
