Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
