I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
