so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
