The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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