the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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