I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
