i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
