He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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