morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
