dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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