Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
