forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
