One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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