Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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