wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
