can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
