Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
