Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut