Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry