***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.