if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.