That's when you crack a 10am beer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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