I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
