ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
