he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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