Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
