Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
