can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bring me that man meat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
