Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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