If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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