I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
