This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I party with great urgency now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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