Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
