I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
