Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
