I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
