he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
