I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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