Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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