I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
