I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
