Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
