You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
