STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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