Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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