i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
