everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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