Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
