thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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