yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
