I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
