Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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