I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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