just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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