she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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